To the Tower with the scoundrel and don't spare the horses!

"Good afternoon Mr Brown", said the friendly policeman as he handed back my passport and invitation at the main gates of Buckingham Palace last week. "Just follow that lady with the pink hat over there and go through the central entrance". As Jacquie and I walked across the Queens courtyard towards the Palace doors, my stomach churned for a moment and I began to feel a tear welling up inside. It was indeed quite an emotional experience. Reading the pages of The Royal Garden Party website it states that guests are invited because of their good works in the community.

 Thousands had been there before me, thousands have received an invitation to the Royal garden party, but I was the first of our particular line of Browns ever to enter through those gold trimmed gates and I felt honoured to be there. 

Security was tight and with very good reason, the gardens were packed with the great and the good from all over the British Isles and beyond. Marksman lined the rooftops of the Palace, the constant hum of nearby helicopters, always just within reach in case of trouble, were always just far enough away so as not to be too much of an intrusion. There was, of course, no trouble whatsoever but with every major Royal present, ex Prime Minister John Major, cabinet ministers Liam Fox and Patricia Hewitt and bundles of a,b,c and d list celebrities too numerous to mention, the Yeomen of the Guard certainly had their work cut out.

We walked arm in arm, Jacquie and I, onto the Queens lawn, ( Judges report read "a bit raggedy at the edges, well worn but with very few weeds") bathed in glorious sunshine which lasted throughout our stroll around the extensive gardens. It was reminiscent of a scene from a Sunday evening Georgian drama series, with all the cast in their finery, genteely meandering along the myriad of paths that appear to criss-cross the Palace grounds, occasionally exchanging a smile, a nod of the head or an unspoken "How do you do" as they passed like ships in the night. 

"Look at that Hydrangea!", I said to Jacquie, "My goodness that's beautiful.... it doesn't have any perfume but the colour is astounding". It was bursting with flower and fresh new buds, all of them capable of re-use as thousands of cuttings, but dare I pinch a cutting from the Palace gardens?. "Off with his head !", I could hear the cry coming from the judges bench. "To the Tower with the scoundrel and don't spare the horses !". 

After a final lap around the lake we arrived at the tea tent, just in time for tea and cakes and of course, cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off (we all knew that we'd be getting those didn't we). 

The band of the Royal Scots Dragoon Guards played their triumphal, rabble rousingly patriotic tunes from a nearby marquee as we queued for our tea but....just before we reached the front the music stopped, everyone went deathly silent and turned away from the table which groaned with the weight of the food, "It must be the Queen", said Jacquie just as the National Anthem began to waft across the lawns. We stood, as did everyone else, in deferential silence, like human statues turned to stone before the Emperors gaze.

In a few moments the National anthem finished and we all relaxed again. The Queen made her way down the steps of the terrace and across the lawns to the Royal enclosure, stopping and chatting to her subjects as she passed. Half way along her path through the garden the heavens opened and we were all treated to a right Royal soaking, but it didn't really matter, nobody really minded, we were just all so happy to be there.

FROCK WATCH.......report............

The Queen wore a brilliant green two-piece outfit with a matching hat. The green theme was followed along with a see-through, wrap-around umbrella, which sported a matching green stripe along the bottom edge.

 Charles, Philip and Edward wore traditional tails and the ladies, Camilla, Sophie and Princess Anne wore cream, blue and magnificent ice green colours respectively. Young Pippa Middleton was there as well with her parents and she too looked as much at home as the rest of the Royal entourage in a short, dark blue flowing and billowing skirt that was, untraditionally, above the knee and showed almost no sign of that now, world famous bum.

Separated by a red rope, the two parties, the Royals and the Commoners took their tea and chatted politely until, at 5.50 the Queen left to a rapturous applause from all of her guests. It really had been a wonderful afternoon, three hours in the very heart of London and it felt as though we were hundreds of miles away from the hustle and bustle of city life.

 We were told beforehand that we couldn't take cameras with us and that mobile phones had to be switched off before entering the Palace grounds, but at five minutes to six, as we made our way back to the terrace and the doors that led to the real world beyond, we couldn't help but notice that almost every one had their phones out and were taking photo's in the grounds. "I may never get another chance to visit this garden", said one very well dressed chap standing next to me, " We have to leave the Palace in a little over three minutes and I'm sure that they won't kick me out now and anyway, how can they possibly confiscate all of the 'phones, or delete all these photos, they'd be here all night".

Yes, we took photo's inside too, but they're a bit too blurry for publication. As for the cuttings.........did we get any?..........well, that would be telling...... you never know we might just get asked to the Palace again.

Ernie's Pitstop

Sitting at home in my comfy chair this weekend, revisiting the final lines from my previous Blog, I've come to the realisation that I really do need to start writing something a little bit different from this standard diary of 'What Ernie did this week'. It could go on for ever, there's always going to be something, interesting or not, to write about.

I could go on, (as you're probably aware by now) for hours about Jacquie and I watching the clear night sky from our bedroom window in Caistor a couple of weeks ago and seeing, with our bare eyes, the space shuttle Discovery, after disconnecting from its mother ship, embarking on its final journey towards our planet, leaving the International Space Station to orbit the Earth ad infinitum.

Equally, I could quite easily go on about Jacquie replying to a Facebook offer last week and winning two tickets to see comedian Boothby Graffoe at the Ropery Hall in Barton upon Humber last night, or our early evening visit to Grimsby Minster to see the fantastic Lightworks event last friday.

I could rabbit on for hours about my return to working in the extensive gardens at Healing Manor especially after all of the extraordinary events that have been taking place there over the past few months, or I could regale you with comical tales of a couple of talks which I gave to the Caistor Flower Lovers Club and the New Waltham Methodist Wives group last week, but would you really, honestly, be interested ?

You might like to know that Jacquie and I have been given the invitation date for our trip to Buckingham Palace for an afternoons tea party with Her Majesty the Queen in July and I'm sure that you'd really like to hear about my latest attempt at TV presenting, appearing on a series of four mens health programmes called 'Ernie Pit Stop' ........but, to be perfectly honest with you  I' don't believe that I'm going anywhere with this blog so I'm going to give it a rest for a while.

"Write it down", I said. "Get it all of your chest", I implored, as I finished writing episode 9 of my Trivial Background Noize blog. But it's only now, after rereading all of the episodes together, that I've realised that that's exactly what I've been doing and that was really what the whole elaborate escapade has been all about......... getting things off my chest.

It definitely was a wrench, almost three months ago, when I walked away from the highly enjoyable pastime of running Grimsby in Bloom. But, it really was hard work and  it really was all-consuming in its demands upon my time. Its constant requests for my attention in a way, forced me to become a slave to its master, leaving me no time at all, to even earn a crust some weeks.

This strangely named blog of the last 10 weeks ( I was the singer in a local punk rock group in the late 1970's with the same name), has really helped me to recapture the thrill of seeing a blank page before me. It has helped me to refocus my sights on the more important things in life. It has also helped me to break free from the shackles of continuity which I forged in haste, 3 and a half years ago. The next part of my lifes' journey does not need a running commentary to accompany it and for that reason, I'll not be writing my blog for the next few weeks or even more.

That doesn't mean that I won't be writing stuff. Just that I'll stop writing it all down in diary form for you all to read. I'm now toying with the idea of changing my style and stretching myself with an attempt at writing some poetry as a means of expressing myself. Maybe that will become my literary outlet, who knows?

Thanks for reading Trivial Background Noize over the last 10 weeks and I hope that you've enjoyed reading them as much as I have enjoyed writing them.

Just for a laugh, if you've got a moment in your busy schedule, please have a look at the series of mens health programmes called 'Ernie's Pit Stop, which appeared on Channel 7's website a couple of days ago. My youngest, Leon, couldn't even bear to watch past the opening credits. He saw the first few moments, up until the point where his oh so embarrassing dad begins to play air guitar with a mucky old sweeping brush and it suddenly became to much for his sensitive teenage sensibilities and he ran, groaning from the living room.

click here for link to Ernie's Pitstop

Have a look for yourself, you deserve a laugh.

 Let me know what you think!

Take care everyone, I'll be back again in another literary form sometime soon I hope, but for now, thank you very much for reading Trivial Background Noize.

Ernie x

On the case of the faceless, unelected, backroom bureaucrats and other stuff

"Hiya Ernie, it’s nice to see you again!” said the friendly young photographer who greeted us in the ground floor reception area at the Grimsby Telegraph offices on Cleethorpes Road last week. “Y’know I think it’s the first time that I’ve seen you both, since you resigned from Grimsby in Bloom. What are you up to now then? Are you managing to find enough to do to fill your time, you two must be at a bit of a loose end”, he continued as we climbed the stairs, up to the first floor editorial meeting room. “We’ll do the photographs in here if that’s alright with you Ernie. There’s a nice big table where you can lay all your stuff out and there’s lots of light coming in from this window, so we should get a few nice photos today.”

Jacquie and I were at the Telegraph offices earlier this week to help promote this month’s ten-yearly government census and after laying out a few photos of my ancestors and a massive copy of our family tree which Jacquie had painstakingly researched, we began to pose for the camera. “Yes, I think you’re right there Jon, it’s a nice space for the job,” I said looking around the room. But y’know, you’re wrong in thinking that life has been quiet for us this last two months. I’ve probably been busier just lately, than I ever was with Grimsby in Bloom.”

“Oh yeah”, said the photographer who was, by now, busy setting up his cameras and ‘getting himself into the zone’. “What’ve you been doing then?”

“Well.......all sorts of things really”, I said fumbling for an answer. For that one moment I couldn’t remember any of the projects that I’d been chasing over the last couple of months.

 So, my mission this week is to tell you about all of those little things that make my life interesting and fun.

For almost 4 years now I’ve been the Chairman of the Heritage committee with the Grimsby, Cleethorpes and District Civic Society and I have made it a personal mission throughout my Chairmanship of this august organisation, to badger a few of the more sluggish bureaucrats at North East Lincs Council, into some form of positive action.

 During my time as Chairman of the gold award winning Grimsby in Bloom committee I regularly attempted to bash the unelected council officers out of their somnolent dream state, but I’ve always been constrained by the unyielding tethers of sponsorship. In 2009 and in 2010, NELC donated £3000 to Grimsby in Bloom’s horticultural campaign and although they weren’t the only sponsors, it would have been churlish of me, if not a little foolhardy to bite the hand that feeds. So I kept my complaints to a minimum, bit my tongue and praised those hard working people at NELC almost every week in my ‘Bloom Blogs’ (over 120 weekly episodes were printed in the Grimsby Post and available to view on my website; www.erniebrown.co.uk.)

But, now that I’m no longer beholden to NELC and no longer worried about losing their financial support, I’m finding myself free to air my views, shout out loud and stamp down my foot with a very firm hand. One of the main roles of the Civic Society is to act as a pressure group, to instigate improvements to our area’s appearance and to stop the unnecessary and unwanted destruction of what’s left of this areas heritage.

So, friendly photographer at the Grimsby Telegraph, I apologize for not being very quick witted last week, I couldn’t remember any of the projects that I’ve been working on over the last two months. But now, with the help of the family computer and the past 9 weeks of e-mail records I am able to your answer your question.

Anyway, here goes.............................

What Ernie has moaned about over the last two months. A selection taken from the many emails sent between the beginning of January and the beginning of March 2011.........................

Good afternoon Mr X

Driving along the A46 this morning from Caistor to GY, I noticed lots of new graffiti on the back walls of the houses between Morrison’s and the Bradley roundabout. Most of it is inoffensive (a smiley face with the word SMILE underneath) but there is one piece by the same 'artist' which has a large swastika and the words ‘fxxk the police’ on it. Would you organise for this to be removed immediately please.
Kind regards,

Ernie Brown,

Chairman, Heritage Committee

Grimsby, Cleethorpes and District Civic Society

Good evening Mr X

I have been contacted today by a tenant of Peaksfield allotment site, which lies within your ward. Her name is X and she also lives within your ward. She tells me that a few tenants on her site have been asked to remove cockerels from their plots because of the noise that they make, even though there are no properties in the vicinity and therefore nobody to upset. I have explained to her that you three are the best placed to deal with this matter on her behalf.

Kind regards, Ernie Brown

Good afternoon Mr X

Two months ago I sent you an email regarding the capstan at the Riverhead. Please forgive me if I appear to be rushing you on this subject but did you speak to the archivist? What was his response? Did you speak to the Portfolio holder responsible? What was his/her response?

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good afternoon Mr X

Have you had a "response" yet to my previous inquiry regarding the damage which has been done to the base of the Fishermans memorial in St James Square? The damaged and missing parts at the base of the Fishermans memorial, in the towns main public area, St James Square, is still in the same terrible condition as it was when I first brought it to your attention over two months ago. Does NELC have any plans to repair this prominent feature?  

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good afternoon Mrs X

Passing through the town centre today I noticed that the finger post guiding visitors to the PS Lincoln Castle is still in place, at the junction of Victoria Street and George Street.

In your previous email below, sent to me over five months ago, you said that you would pass my request for its removal, on to the Highways dept, did this get done? What was their response? Will NELC/Balfour Beatty Workplace be remedying this problem in the near future?

On a similar theme, to your right, as you stand at the customer service desk in the Municipal Offices Town Hall Square, there is a very large photograph of the PS Lincoln Castle looking particularly beautiful in the sunlight. Is this something that NELC should be so proudly displaying in such a well used public building, considering the strong feelings of discontent engendered by its recent wanton destruction?

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good afternoon Cllrs X and Y
Sorry if I appear to be rushing you, but it is now almost two months since I last wrote to you both, as ward Cllrs for the West Marsh ward, regarding the unfortunate state of the Fishermans Memorial in St James Square. In response to your initial reply, could you answer the following questions for me please?
Did you find out "How much, or about how much funding would be required" for this necessary repair work to go ahead?
Have you asked the relevant "Officers" and what have they "suggested"?
Have you found out if "all wards should be contributing" towards the cost of the repair?
Did you both manage to discuss the issue of West Marsh ward funding paying toward this repair on "Tuesday 14th December"?
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good afternoon yet again Mr X

I have not yet received a reply from your office regarding the terrible state of the grey granite pavers upon which the Fishermans memorial stands in St James Square and a few concerned members of the Heritage Committee, Grimsby, Cleethorpes and District Civic Society would like a response please, when you get a moment.

I have also contacted both ward Cllrs responsible for that area and they too have not replied to my numerous emails.

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good afternoon again Cllrs X and X

 I still haven't received confirmation from either of you two elected Councillors, that you have received my last email, sent one week ago today, regarding the Fishermans memorial in St James Square and I have been asked by the members of the Heritage Committee of the Grimsby, Cleethorpes and District Civic Society to look into this.

I look forward to hearing from you soon

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Cllrs X, X and X

Over the last few years, in my former role as Chairman of the gold award winning Grimsby in Bloom Committee, whenever Jacquie, my wife, drove us about town (I'm still a non-driver) I would always be looking out of the window and noting down anything that GiB could improve. 

Last summer, travelling along Scartho Road, I noticed that one of the conical finials which previously sat atop one of the magnificent columns that grace the entrance to the Scartho Road Cemetery was missing. These columns and their conical finials perfectly complement the towers of the beautiful administration building a little further along the track. 

At the time I thought little about it being missing. It could have happened at any time over the passage of the last hundred and thirty years or so, these sorts of things happen, but yesterday as we were travelling along the same stretch of road I noticed that another of these conical finials has gone missing. Can you look into this please? 

Has this piece of Great Grimsby's architectural heritage been removed/damaged/destroyed or is it being repaired or replaced?
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Mr X, Mrs Y and Mr Z

At a recent meeting of the Heritage Committee of the Grimsby, Cleethorpes and District Civic Society the following matter was discussed and I have been asked to write to you all to find out a little more information.

During the time of the building of the Fishing Heritage Centre, a series of fishy paving slabs were embedded into the walkway connecting the FHC with West Haven Bridge. Although a few of these slabs are now damaged beyond repair, we were wondering whether the Civic Society should devise a fish trail in the hope of educating and entertaining both locals and visitors to the area about Great Grimsby's extensive fishing heritage as well, of course, as encouraging the footfall between the FHC and the Town Centre.

I'm presuming that when the slabs were put in place there was some sort of trail printed, mentioning the types of fish along the route etc.

Did a printed trail leaflet exist?

Do you have a copy?

Would the GCDCS have your technical support with a reprint or a re writing?
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Ms X

Below this message is a press release from the Heritage Committee, Grimsby, Cleethorpes and District Civic Society. If the opportunity arises would you include it in your paper please?

Memories of Grimsby at work

Following on from last Septembers highly successful adventure into the film industry, the Heritage Committee of the Grimsby Cleethorpes & District Civic Society are pleased to announce that a second film of Grimsby Memories is to be made thanks to a successful £3,050 funding application through Grassroots Grants.

The Heritage Committee have once again enlisted the expert services of local film company, Focus 7, to produce the second in their series of films entitled ‘Memories of Grimsby’.

 Focus 7 have given the first film ‘Grimsby at War’ to the Community Channel who will broadcast it across the UK and Europe on Sky and Virgin platforms. ‘Grimsby at War’, was filmed at locations across North East Lincolnshire including the Vicarage Gardens sheltered housing complex in Grimsby and all 5 episodes have been viewed by over 800 people worldwide on You Tube during the last 12 weeks. Follow the link to see ‘Memories of Grimsby at War’  http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=4E8909897CA67BE9 .

“We’re hoping to continue with the success achieved by our ‘Grimsby at War’ DVD, which will also be available at all senior schools and libraries in the town very soon, by running a series of these films around a central theme, ‘Memories of Grimsby at.....”

“We could then have a Grimsby at War, Grimsby at School, and Grimsby at Play etc”, said Ernie Brown, Chairman of the Heritage committee with the GCDCS. “Our next film, thanks to this most recent Grassroots Grant, is to be called ‘Memories of Grimsby at Work’.”

“We’re hoping to steer people’s thoughts away from fishing and towards some of the towns other industries. Maybe some of your readers will have memories of working at one of the Hewitt’s Brewery buildings or Ticklers Jam Factory. Maybe they worked in a ropery, wood yard, ship repairers or smoke house. Maybe they have memories of working during the early days of the Humber Bank refineries or the first fish finger production line. We’d like to capture their memories on film for future generations to experience. Great Grimsby was once renowned across the globe for its fishing industry, an industry which over-shadowed the many other industries which the town has been home to over the last century or so”.

Robin Smith from Focus 7 said “We are really excited about the Memories of Grimsby project; we feel that these films will help keep these memories alive for generations to come. We’re hoping to begin filming during mid February, so if you would like to share your memories of Grimsby at Work so that future generations can better understand our towns’ great industrial heritage, or if you any photographs or old film footage of Grimsby we can use, please get in touch before February 15^th.

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen

Over the last couple of years you have all expressed an interest in joining in with me should I ever come across a scheme which involved 'guerrilla gardening' within N. E. Lincs. 

As you all know this activity is technically illegal, although in reality it is doubtful that anyone would ever be prosecuted for it. 

Earlier today I had an idea to dramatically improve the area, an idea which might actually work and, even if it doesn't work, it wouldn't cost very much money and we will all have a lot of fun trying.

As this email could technically be construed as being conspiracy to commit a crime I can't reveal any of the details and will also have to ask you to eat this email after consigning it to your memory.

Kind regards Ernie Brown

Good morning Mr X

Thank you very much for your prompt reply this morning.

It's just a suggestion, but would it be a good idea to ask all of your NELC senior management team to put an automated response onto their email facility when they're away from their offices for any length of time. 

The response could read “I’m sorry, but I will be out of the office for .......weeks. Your email has been saved and I will respond immediately upon my return. Many thanks for contacting me. Should your email be regarding an emergency please contact......”

That would allay any doubts at all about whether the email has been received and whether it is being dealt with or not, by your officers. It might also improve public relations.

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Mr X

I’ve put a few emails below for your attention. Although the first was sent over a month ago and the second two weeks later, I still haven't received confirmation that you have even received them.
Kind regards, Ernie Brown

Dear Mr X 

I am writing to you today regarding the old Hewitt’s Cooperage on East Street. 

Two months ago a very ramshackle fence was erected around the front of this historic building, which sits within the top town conservation area. This fence currently blocks the pavement causing problems for pedestrians and looks extremely unsightly, giving the entrance to Town Hall Square an appearance of decay and neglect.

Are there any time limits that a buildings owners have, when it comes to either removing the fencing or starting any work on repairs within this conservation area. 

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Cllrs X and X

Two weeks ago I led a group of 32 WI ladies, (and one husband) on a guided heritage trail around Great Grimsby town centre. Although it was a rainy day in February, they all thoroughly enjoyed themselves and are now in the process of booking another one with me for later on in the year, in Cleethorpes. 

We stopped for a moment at the West Haven bridge and I explained a little of the history of Alexandra Dock, before moving on to the footpath which runs adjacent to the West Haven, towards the Granary. I regularly take walking groups along this route and its run-down and thoroughly neglected demeanour always brings comment from my 'flock', but this was the first time that I'd done this route in the pouring rain, in February.

There is always a thick layer of green moss growing amongst the many, many weeds all along this footpath, but on that day, during a period of rain, it became very dangerous. One of 'my ladies' slipped and fell onto her hands, (which fortunately, on this occasion caused no lasting damage to her wrists) on the green slime that has accumulated, as it does on all paths, especially those that spend a lot of their time in the shade.

I have recently been pressure washing a series of pathways around a garden in Humberston for that exact same reason and was wondering if you could do anything to improve this walkway and make it safer for pedestrians.

On another similar note, later on that morning, I led the same group of ladies around Grimsby Minster, again in your ward. We walked through the Square, stopping briefly at the Fishermans memorial, before continuing past St James' House, towards the west door of the Minster. At this point, another of 'my ladies slipped and fell on her hip, giving her lots of pain and discomfort during the rest of the trail, which she bravely completed. 

Connecting the footpath between St James House and the seating area at the west door is a series of paving stones in a stepping stone style. These slabs also need looking at before any more accidents occur, accidents which could incur unnecessary costs on the public purse. Fortunately I was able to placate both of these elderly ladies by telling them that I would ensure that the matter reached you and the job would get done, so that others would not suffer the same pain and ignominy.

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Cllrs X, X and X

I initially sent the email below, just under 3 weeks and was wondering if you were looking into this matter or indeed if there has been any progress.

The only response that I have received from the three of you is the email below from Cllr X two weeks ago saying briefly "Thank you", so as you can imagine, I am at a bit of a loss to know whether or not this is being progressed by yourselves.
Kind regards, Ernie Brown

Good afternoon Mr X

At a recent meeting of the executive committee of the Grimsby, Cleethorpes and District Civic Society, I brought up the matter of the damaged 'Welcome to Great Grimsby' sign which currently 'stands' on Network Rails land at the approach to Grimsby Town railway station.

As you will remember, I discussed this matter with you towards the end of last year in my previous role as Chairman of Grimsby in Bloom.

The Civic Society would like to know how far you are down the path of having the sign replaced/repaired?

I look forward to hearing your reply

Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Mr X

In the email below, sent by you two weeks ago, you mentioned copying in X and she would "arrange a response from Y and Z, who manage that area".

Has there been a response to my enquiry yet?
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Mr X

Despite numerous emails, I have been unable to get a response from Mr Y, regarding the columns at the entrance to Scartho rd Cemetery. Has he gone on holiday/leave again? I have not received an out of office reply nor a response to my enquiry.
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good morning Mr X

As you will see from my initial email below to Mr Y, I have been trying to get an answer from NELC officers and members for more than a month now and I am getting no response at all. Despite numerous emails to all three Park Ward Cllrs and the NELC senior management team, no-one has written back to answer my questions and I am now concerned that the reason for the lack of response is one that they would rather not give.

Would you be able to get any answers for me please?
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Good afternoon Mr X

Having just received an email from Mr Y, I am writing to you to clarify one matter for me.

Mr Y wrote earlier today,

"Following the appeal decision, further discussions have taken place with the owners (of the cooperage) who have made a commitment to undertake the necessary repairs to the building.  However, they need to commission a specialist in restoring listed buildings of this type so as to ensure appropriate information about how best to do this is provided.  We are currently awaiting an invitation to a meeting with the owner's specialist once instructed."

Is there any kind of time limit upon the owners to find a "specialist in restoring listed buildings"? 

I'm concerned that the owners might choose to delay finding a specialist for whatever reason and this problem could drag on for years, while the building deteriorates even more.
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

Dear Mr X,

In answer to Mr K Watts question in Saturdays Grimsby Telegraph "Who owns town building?”

The old Hewitt’s cooperage building is owned by the Haven Mill Conservation Company, the same company that did such a fantastic renovation job on another of Great Grimsby's large industrial heritage buildings, the Haven Mill. 

If the same standard of work and investment could be put into this building, as it was with the Haven Mill, the approach to Town Hall Square would be greatly improved and another heritage building would be saved for future generations to experience.

 As it is, this wonderful old building has now been shrouded in ramshackle fencing by Lincs Building Consultancy, for the last two months, whilst proper repairs were negotiated with the owners. 

Following NELC's recent refusal of planning permission for the owners to demolish the cooperage, the Haven Mill Conservation Company have made a commitment to undertake the necessary repairs to the building

The owners now need to commission a specialist in restoring buildings of this type, before any renovation can begin.
Kind regards, Ernie Brown.

.................................................................................................................................................................... 

So Jon, the photographer at the Grimsby Telegraph, I hope you’ll now understand that it was quite a lot for me to remember, so much so in fact, that I ended up forgetting the whole lot.

By the way, the ‘Welcome to Great Grimsby’ sign which stands at the entrance to Grimsby Town railway station, I’ve put a photo of it above, looking at its most awful.

 It's broken and warped, the paint is peeling and it's covered in graffiti.

Network Rail, I was informed yesterday, are demanding nearly £2,000, just to remove it. That’s without the cost of making a new one and paying Network Rail to re-erect it for us. It’s only an old, rotten softwood frame with a marine ply board on it. I’m sure that it would only take a good gust of wind and it’ll be gone and they want £2,000 to pull it down. I feel some more letter writing coming on.

If you see something that you don’t agree with, or if you have an idea to change things for the better, write it down and post it off, today, if nothing else, you’ll feel a whole lot better for getting it off your chest.

Let's make some beer

"Good morning Mr President. It's time to wake up Mr President. The Libyan ambassador is here and he needs to speak with you straight away".

I woke with a start, the dying remnants of the 6o'clock news still fresh in my subconscious mind. "Sorry, what did you say?" I replied, a little blearily, rubbing my eyes and stretching my legs and slowly realizing that I'd fallen asleep in front of the telly after yet another long hard day in the garden.

"I said, there's Richard on the phone and he'd like to speak to you straight away. I did tell him that you'd fallen asleep in front of the news but he said that he'd only take up a  minute of your time", said my clearly exasperated wife

"Oh right, I'm with you now, did you just call me Mr President?"

"No Ernie, and as I keep telling you, I'm not going to call you that and quite frankly, the more times that you ask me the stronger my conviction becomes", replied Jacquie as I stumbled, half-awake, towards the telephone.

I was appointed President of Caistor in Bloom at one of their committee meetings last week and I've been joking with Jacquie ever since about my new title.

It was briefly reported on by the Grimsby Telegraph, in a small box, on a side column of page 37, but if you blinked you could easily have missed it.

'As joint founder, with his wife Jacquie, former Grimsby in Bloom chairman, Ernie Brown has been instrumental in advising and guiding Caistor in Bloom', read the article in the Telegraph. 'Chairperson Deborah Barker said "Caistor in Bloom has a strong volunteer force and we are delighted to have Jacquie and Ernie as consultants. By making Ernie President, it rubber stamps the respect and gratitude the committee wanted to demonstrate, as a reward for his innovation and the fact that it was indeed his own brain child, nurtured from inception to our current silver status".

As you can probably tell, I was very pleased with the article which went on to say a lot more nice things about us both, it was indeed a very nice way of having our efforts recognised.

It'll work both ways of course, I will be able to wallow in the reflection of their forthcoming glory in this years regional competition and they will get my undivided attention throughout the run-up. Of course, I'd really like Caistor to win their category this year and hopefully win a gold award. Anyway, enough of that Bloom stuff, last week I told you that I'd explain the mysteries of beer making, so here we go.

 I've been making my own beer, off and on, for at least a quarter of a century now, but it's only been since the advent of the new millennium that it has become my 'staple' alcoholic drink of choice.

The basic equipment to start your own teeny-tiny-micro brewery is not expensive and because you can use it over and over again you'll more than recoup any initial cost. For example, my plastic brewing bin only cost about a tenner back in the mid 1990's and I can't see me ever having to buy a new one. The same goes for the funnel and the syphon tubing, I just wash it all properly between uses, swoosh it all down with some sterilizing fluid and it's as good as new again. . When you're working with yeast, everything has to be sterilized. A little bit of dirt will multiply and grow and you'll end up with loose bowels the next morning if you've not cleaned everything properly, so make cleanliness your priority.

Now, you'd have thought having mentioned to you  last week that I was going to be explaining how to make beer, that I would have gone out and bought a kit so that I could explain my method with pictures as well as with words. But, you'll have to wait a few days for the first stage pictures as I haven't had the chance to pop in to town to buy a kit this week.

So, why should you want to make your own beer? Well, with me it has to be the price. At only 20p a pint it helps maintain the family budget and I don't feel as though I'm spending a big chunk of our meagre income on ale. Imagine, if I went out to the pub and bought myself four pints of real ale, it would cost me over a tenner. I really couldn't afford to do that for many nights. Whereas, the same amount of home brewed beer would cost only 80p. Y'know I can't even go into pubs happily now, I begrudge them every penny knowing how much of my hard earned cash goes straight into the governments coffers through alcohol tax.

Apart from the money side of things, it's so easy to brew your own that it's actually quicker to make beer than to go out and buy it. From start to finish, it'll take about 3 weeks from opening your beer kit to pouring your first glass but, in real time, only about 1/2 an hour of that is actual work, the rest of the 3 weeks is spent waiting. So, it takes 30 minutes to make 40 pints, less than 90 seconds per pint. I live across the road from the brand new Lincolnshire Co-operative store in Caistor town centre and I couldn't get across the road and back and make a purchase in 90 seconds, even if I could, it would cost me a lot more than 20p a pint.

Anyway, enough of my babbling and on with the instructions. As I said earlier, look again at this blog in a few days time, when I'll have all the photos to go along with the first half of this process.

You can quite easily make your own beer using sugar, water, hops, malt and yeast and mixing and matching the quantities to blend your own perfect brew, but take my word for it, buy a kit, it's so much quicker, easier and cheaper.

I buy my beer kits from Wilko's on Bull Ring Lane. They used to sell them in all of the local Wilko stores and all the Boots outlets too but, due to lack of demand I suppose, you can only buy it at the Bull Ring Lane store now or at a slightly higher price, but with a much bigger choice from the Home Brew Centre on Freeman Street. Of course, being a bit of a skinflint I generally buy the cheapest Wilko's brand called 'Definitive' which costs £6.99 a tin.

I prefer the 'Definitive Bitter' myself, but do try the others as well and find one that suits your palette. I've split the task of making it into separate two parts, to make it even easier for you.

Tools and ingredients for beer making stage 1

5 gallon brewing bin with lid
measuring jug
plastic spoon
large saucepan
sterilizing solution
1 tin Wilko's 'Definitive bitter'
1kg granulated sugar
water

Take the label from your tin and remove the plastic lid and yeast sachet. Fill your washing up bowl with hot tap water and place the tin into the bowl to warm it up. This will loosen the contents in readiness for emptying it into the brewing bin later on.

Dilute some sterilizing solution. I put two caps full, of a brand more commonly used to sterilize babies bottles, into a measuring jug containing 1pt of cold water. Pour this solution into the empty brewing bin and with the lid tightly fitted, thoroughly shake the bin to cover every surface before returning the solution to the jug. Put your plastic mixing spoon into the jug of sterilizing solution and now all of your equipment is clean and free from germs.

Boil 5 litres of cold water in a large saucepan and empty the contents of a 1kg bag of sugar into the empty brewing bin.

Pour the pre-warmed tin of wort (brewing mixture) into the brewing bin along with the sugar and swoosh out the rest of the contents of the tin with some of the boiling water. Add the remainder of the boiling water to the contents of the bin and stir vigorously with your sterilized plastic spoon until the contents have dissolved.....mmm this bit smells great!

Top up the brewing bin to the 5 gallon mark with cold water and then sprinkle the contents of the yeast sachet  onto the surface.

Stir gently and leave in a warm place for 10 days, until the majority of bubbles have disappeared.from the surface.

As you can see, the first stage of brewing only takes about10/15 minutes

Tools and ingredients for beer making stage 2
syphon tubing
11, two litre plastic lemonade bottles or a brewing barrel
tea spoon
funnel
sterilizing solution
measuring jug
granulated sugar

I prefer to use 2 litre plastic lemonade bottles to store my beer in. Fizzy pop bottles are all pressurized containers, developed to withstand the build up of gases, especially when they get dropped. They're perfect for the job and can easily be cleaned, sterilized and re-used over and over again. In fact, it would be cheaper to buy yourself 11 bottles of 20p own brand value pop and throw away the contents, rather than buy an expensive beer barrel and the necessary co2 injectors to go with it. Our family tend to drink a lot of fizzy pop so we always have a few empty bottles laying about.

Clean your bottles and lids with sterilizing solution using a shaking motion, similar to the one you used in stage one with the brewing bin, then pour the sterilizing solution back into the measuring jug.

Using a plastic funnel to prevent spillage, put 4 teaspoons of granulated sugar into each bottle.

Put your brewing bin, full of once-brewed beer onto a table or work surface and put the bottles containing sugar on the floor below them, (it's a good idea to stand the bottles on a towel, that way you won't make a mess on the floor).

Using your sterilized syphon tube and with the wondrous powers of gravity, syphon your beer into the bottles leaving about an inch or two of air at the top of each bottle.

Tightly screw the lids back on to the bottles and shake vigorously to to dissolve any sugar that might have accumulated at the bottom of the bottles and leave in a warm place for 4 days so that your beer can brew again for a second time.

After 4 days, move the bottles of beer to a cold place (I put mine on the concrete floor of our garage). This will kill the yeast, finish the brewing process and encourage the sediment (lees) to sink to the bottom of the bottles.

After three more days it is ready to drink. Decant a bottle of homemade beer into a large jug before pouring into your glass and drink in moderation.......it will be strong!

Once you've got into a routine of brewing beer regularly, you'll find it so quick and easy to make a fresh brewing bin full of delicious beer, straight after emptying the previous bin into bottles. That way you'll have a never ending  supply of cheap, strong and extremely tasty beer, an essential prerequisite for any presidential beer cellar.